Relationships, Boundaries, and Finding Myself Again

I haven't been blogging as much as I would like because currently my biggest challenge is one I have to keep private.

Relationships.

Not just my personal 9-year relationship, but my relationship with everyone in my personal life.

My relationship with God is growing every day.

My relationship with my teenager is improving, but definitely has its ups and downs.

My relationship with my little one is one I have difficulty navigating due to co-parenting concerns.

Above all, my relationship with myself is suffering.

I have let everyone around me define who I am.

I am a very outspoken person. If something makes me feel a certain way, I will always let you know. However, I have let people take my emotions and dictate what I should do about them.

For example, I say I'm overwhelmed, and I get a response like:

"Well, try this..."

I say I'm sad, and I get a response like:

"Well, if you do this instead of this, you'll be happy."

For years, I accepted these responses as help.

But recently, I realized something.

Sometimes people are so focused on fixing your feelings that they never stop to acknowledge them.

Sometimes the response isn't supposed to be advice.

Sometimes the response is simply:

"I understand."

Sometimes people don't need solutions.

They need space.

They need to be heard.

They need to know their feelings are valid before they can figure out what to do next.

Then I look around and see all the things I have worked hard to provide for those I love.

The sacrifices.

The time.

The energy.

The resources.

The opportunities.

And then I turn around and find my things broken, damaged, misplaced, or missing.

When I ask about them, I get:

"I don't know."

"Ask this person."

Then that person tells me to ask someone else.

The item itself is often insignificant.

It's not about the object.

It's about the feeling behind it.

The feeling that what matters to me doesn't seem to matter to others.

The feeling that my efforts are noticed only when they're absent.

The feeling that I am responsible for everyone else's emotions while nobody is responsible for protecting mine.

The truth is, this season of my life is teaching me something difficult but necessary.

Boundaries are not punishment.

Boundaries are protection.

Not protection from other people.

Protection from losing yourself while trying to keep everyone else happy.

For most of my life, I believed being a good person meant carrying more than my share.

More responsibility.

More guilt.

More fixing.

More understanding.

More sacrifice.

But I am beginning to learn that healthy relationships require balance.

Love does not require self-abandonment.

Kindness does not require silence.

Compassion does not require accepting behavior that hurts you.

And forgiveness does not mean allowing the same wounds to happen over and over again.

The most surprising part of this journey has been realizing that I don't actually need everyone to agree with me.

I don't need everyone to understand me.

I don't need permission to feel what I feel.

What I need is to trust myself again.

To listen to my own voice.

To honor my own feelings.

To stop treating my emotions like evidence that something is wrong with me.

Because emotions are information.

They tell us when something matters.

They tell us when something hurts.

They tell us when something needs attention.

They are not weaknesses.

They are signals.

And for the first time in a very long time, I am learning to listen.

The beautiful part is that growth is already happening.

My relationship with God is stronger than it has ever been.

My relationship with my teenager is improving because we are learning together.

My relationship with myself is becoming more honest.

And while some relationships may grow stronger and others may grow apart, I am finally learning that my worth is not determined by how many people approve of me.

My worth comes from God.

The result of all of this?

More peace.

More clarity.

More confidence.

More authenticity.

Less people-pleasing.

Less guilt.

Less fear of disappointing others.

Less pressure to carry burdens that were never mine to carry.

For years, I searched for happiness by trying to keep everyone around me happy.

Now I am discovering something much better.

Peace.

And peace begins the moment you stop asking everyone else who you are and start remembering who God says you are.